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According to a leaked memo, Wizards of the Coast executives expressed concern that D&D 5e is too consumer-friendly to be profitable.
The memo outlined a multipart plan to modernize the brand to “align with contemporary corporate values" like greed and hostility.
One high ranking executive, who initially thought Dungeons and Dragons was a TikTok challenge, was quoted saying, “We don’t have the staff for mass layoffs, and we can’t afford a rocket ship, so we’re going to really have to think outside of the box to alienate our fans.”
Aside from being "under-monetized," Wizards of the Coast saw that the Open Game License was a little too open. As part of rebranding as OneD&D, Wizards of the Coast plans to release a new Open Game License (1.1). This new OGL allegedly "deauthorizes" use of the original OGL, demands additional royalties from publishers, and allows Wizards of the Coast to publish and profit from fan-generated content without their consent.
"We originally planned to include language that included 'indentured servitude,' but that was scrapped due to legal non-viability."
The playerbase has expressed outrage and dismay online, to the delight of Wizards of the Coast.
"We hope to incorporate DLC and lootboxes," added one executive.
Shareholders reacted with dismay when they were informed by legal consultants that they could not add a cancer warning to previous versions of the game.
"We also floated the idea of shipping each D&D book with a dog turd."
Excellently hilarious satire and summary, probably more accurate than whatever "we hear you" PR turds WotC will eventually squeeze out. Should do wonders for their share price and future product line.
Summed it up pretty well. Kinda glad I never really liked the game, the last really good D&D branded thing was Lords of Waterdeep, where's a nice reprint of that?
It seems fairly accurate to me.
Low effort trolling article, glad your other articles have low view numbers so that this doesn't get much visibility.